My Pet Monkey Bobo

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 I have a pet monkey named Bobo. Bobo is not your average monkey. Yes, Bobo does constantly hump things, masturbate, drink, and get down with his bad monkey self, but all monkeys do that, don’t they? Well even if they don’t, my pet monkey Bobo is special in another way. Bobo wears  hot green suits, gold jewelry, and a fake rolex. Plus, he makes me a great deal of money. Yes, you guessed it, my pet monkey Bobo is a pimp.

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Bobo was born in a poor flea infested jungle in Congo 10 years ago, his mother was the jungle whore, who even at times serviced (you know what I mean) the local men who weren’t getting any because all the women could see their small genitalia. His father was the jungle drunk, who, during the full moon, could be seen enjoying himself with anything from himself to the local flamingos. By the age of 2, Bobo had made a name for himself. He had inherited the role of becoming the jungle pimp. Bobo could help the poor local men get anything from those hot witchdoctor chicks to his own mother. But Bobo wanted something better, something that he could only imagine in his wildest imaginations. That’s where I come in.
No, I was not Bobo’s fantasy man, nor do I plan on participating in the act of beastiality or homosexuality. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I mean, we’re all in it for the beer and sex, am I right guys? After, watching a episode of the Simpsons, where Homer purchases a helper monkey, I decided to try that idea. I had no idea what I was going to do with it, but I figured it is worth a shot. Then I saw Bobo. We made eye contact for about 10 seconds, but I knew what kind of monkey he was. This monkey was going to make me rich, and get me laid (NOT BY BOBO)!
Well, it has been 5 years now. Bobo has established himself as the local pimp in Harford County, servicing anyone from cows to farmer Joe, who, after sex, kills his victims and buries them in his cornfield. Bobo’s stylish suits, gold jewelry, and fake rolex, make him a site to behold. His favorite song, “Bad Touch” grabbed our attention a couple of summers ago. He drives the toothless women wild, and they return the favor to Bobo. Yes sir, that’s my pet monkey Bobo. He’s done everything I could imagine, except get me laid. But I figure, be happy with what you get. I leave you now fair reader with these inspirational words, “You and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals, but let’s do it like they do it on the Discovery Channel.”