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A Whole Lotta Crap An Investigative Report On America’s Obsession With All Things “Crap” by: Wiseguy |
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Wiseguy here. Issue 5 is a reality, and Screw Magazine has not been shut down! This week I’ve decided to write a little article about the one thing everybody hates – crap! Whether it be crappy luck, crappy weather, crappy products, or just plain crap (ewww…), that word never means something good. But many people still seem to have a fascination with this “crap” of which we speak. To prove my point, I decided to consult ebay.com, the place where you can always find out how many people out there are actually interested in a certain thing. Yes, I typed in the word “crap” before and after a variety of words to try to find something funny enough to make my article. Here’s what I came up with. |
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Title: Small selection of totally crap toys Description: This is
a selection of toys from those annoying but addictive claw machines.
They really are crappy and worthless but have cost me a small fortune !!
This includes the ever smiling Minnie Mouse, a porky pig fridge magnet,
a small Frisbee (flies about 6') and some cheap and nasty Pokemon
elastic thingies. I have put them under the puzzle section, as I am
puzzled as to why I put the damn money in the machine in the first
place. You must be insane if you bid on this auction but hey, if you
want to be sectioned then go ahead. Postage costs will be er... I have
no idea but a whole lot more than these are worth that’s for sure. Notes: There was actually one bid for
this. It was 0.01 GBP,
which is a British penny or something.
Stupid Brit, the shipping cost overseas will be much more than
these things are worth. |
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| Title:
wrecked and rotted crap,
pitted, broken windows
Description: HIGH PRICE, NO WARRANTY, FULL PAYMENT WITHIN 2 DAYS, PICK IT UP WHENEVER, NO RUSH Note:
No bids yet, and thank God.
This guy’s got the starting bid set at $38.00.
And if I found someone who was willing to actually pay money for
this, it wouldn’t be pretty. |
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Title:
Poop Bull – Pooping Bull – Bull Crap Description: You are bidding on the Poop Bull - A distant relative to the Poop Pig, Cow, etc... He is really Cool looking with Red eyes, a nose ring and of course his bad Pooping habit - Squeeze his sides and out Poops a surprise - - -HILARIOUS!!!!!! Note: 1 bid so far and it’s $1.85. Hey, if there wasn’t any shipping and handling, I’d do that, cuz that’s funny as… well… shit. |
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Title: I EAT POOP SHIRT FUNNY MONKEY CRAP Note: There were 3 bids on this item. Highest bid was $13.51. It’s amazing that some sick f*** out there wants the whole world to know what should be a deep, dark secret. |
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Title:
Poop On War Pin Description: Pin with picture of a guy crapping on war. This is a quality 1 inch pin, hand colored so the colors may vary… Note: It’s
sad that some guy sits down and makes a bunch of these pins for fun.
There was a whopping 5 bids (the most so far) on this item.
If you want to make the poop pin yours, all you have to do is
cough up more than a buck twenty-five. |
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Title: Poop Pals Pink Pig – I Crap Jelly Beans! Description: The talented ladies of DOWN HOME make a unique collection of 7x5 in. furry animals that dispense gourmet jelly beans. Hand-made in America! They are refillable and sealed in attractive packaging; over 40 animals and growing! Copyright, 1998. This auction is for a hilarious PIG. It has an attached card which reads: "I
am a little poop pal, Note: Screw Magazine in no way condones or encourages the consumption of animal excretions. |
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