Screw Magazine Team Helps the Lesbian Population

by:  Screw Magazine Investigative Team

NOTE:  GIRLS DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED

 

 

 

 

 

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 Many men aren't happy about the lesbian population in this country.  We're no exception.  But instead of idly sitting on our asses, the Screw Magazine investigative team decided to sit on our asses and do something!  We figured that the average man doesn't actually know how likely a girl is to become a lesbian.  We found out just how willing some girls are.  We surveyed a total of 6 different girls all very late at night, and we found that 2 out of the 6 had already had lesbian experiences, 1 out of the 6 was utterly repulsed, 2 out of the 6 were interested, and 1 out of the six was eventually talked into it.

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Our adventure started with a friend of one of our investigative reporters.  We beat around the bush (nice choice of words, eh?) for awhile, until we out right asked her "Have you ever been with another woman?"  After much pain and labor she finally admitted she had, and four times.  Our jaws dropped.  It was cool.  Lesbians are cool.  Needless to say, eventually she found out it was us, but surprisingly she wasn't too mad.  Now how does that work?

Our second victe- er, candidate was referred to us by another Screw Magazine team member.  We asked her repeatedly if she had ever been with a girl and the answer was always "well I'm sorta with a girl right now, so I guess yeah."  Once again, we were amazed.  Why the hell did we not know there were so many lesbians out there?  More importantly, WHY HAD WE NEVER TALKED TO THESE PEOPLE BEFORE?
We decided to move on to people we had no contact to...but then we got another name from our team members, so we went to work.  This girl, however, was no so receptive to the forbidden love.  Go figure!  Well, we were 2/2 before we talked to her, so we figured maybe we could eventually talk her into it.  We were wrong.  A lot.  She repeatedly told us to "fuck off" and "fuck you."  Of course, we had witty comments for both of these responses, but she didn't seem too interested in what we  had to say.  Imagine that.  Well, after endless seductive phrases, she still wasn't going for it, so we decided to take the "your boyfriend can't lick you like I can angle."  That, as well, didn't go over too well.  She got kinda angry at that one.  She kept saying that she didn't like other girls, that she liked "guys' dicks."  We told her that wouldn't be a problem, but, once again, no go.  Eventually gave up; she just wasn't receptive.

Then, we moved on to candidate number four, the last candidate that the members of the Screw Magazine team knew.  It didn't last too long, considering the outright refusal and threats.  We didn't like that.  We left as quick as we could, and never talked to her again.  We were scared and 2/4.  We needed a moral booster.
Then, we found candidate five.  Ooooh, candidate five.  This had to be the most amazing thing ever.  When we started, this girl was pretty not accepting of the whole lesbian cyber sex idea.  But slooowly we convinced her to do it.  When we finally got started, we were at it for a good hour and a half.  But we really can't do our work justice just by talking about it.  How bout we show you a little clip?:

"GIRL: oh fuck yah... you are one bad little slut and ur gonna pay for that
SCREWTEAMUNDERCOVER: do me
GIRL: your a bad little girl you know that
GIRL: and your going to b punished for what you just did
SCREWTEAMUNDERCOVER: go ahead and punish me
SCREWTEAMUNDERCOVER: i want it
GIRL: i sit you down in the shower so the water is running all over your hot body and i spread your legs far apart and start to fuck your pussy with my tongue so hard and fast"

Now you may be thinkin, "so what, the girls a lesbian."  Let us show you the difference between the beginning of the conversation and the end.

BEGINNING:

SCREWTEAMUNDERCOVER: even a little curious?
GIRL: ummm
SCREWTEAMUNDERCOVER: oh you are, aren't you
GIRL: not exactly

END:

GIRL: i turn around and kiss you and start to finger you

Now, we don't know about you, but we think that's a large difference.

Finally, we ended with candidate six, who was more than willing to go through with the lesbian experience.  Nothing really exciting about candidate six.
Overall, this is one of the most effective Screw Magazine investigative reports ever done.  Extensive field research from several of our candidates helped us to discover that 2 out of every 3 girls are willing to have a lesbian experience.  1 out of every 3 girls have already had a lesbian experience, and 1/6 girls will punch you in the balls if you ask them.  Now we admit, those aren't great odds for the ball punching, but isn't it worth it?