Jokes
Straight Up Jokes
Male Reasoning:
A
herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when
the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that
are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole
because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving
by the regular culling of the weakest members. In
much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the
slowest brain cells. Excessive
intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it
attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In
this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells,
making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
Bad Parenting:
A
woman goes to the hospital, and her doctor gives her a sonogram. He
sees the baby and suddenly the baby says, "Are you my daddy?"
The doctor is shocked and goes to get another doctor, who looks
at the sonogram.
The baby says again, "Are you my daddy?"
The doctor says, "No, I'm not your father."
They go to get the dad; the father looks at his baby boy and the
baby asked, "Are you my daddy?"
And the father says, "Yes, I am!" So,
the baby pops out of the mother's womb, picks up his hand, and starts
poking the father in the head while saying..."How do you like
that?! How do you like that?!"
Top Ten Reasons You Know Your Amish Child Has Gone Bad
10. Sometimes stays in bed till after 5 am.
9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.
8. Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.
7. When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou sucketh!"
6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."
5. Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to oldies!"
4. You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks.
3. Uses slang expression: "I’ll churn your butter"
2. Returns from town with a window fan for the summer heat.
1.
He's wearing his big black hat backwards.
Combining
Male and Female Traits...
A woman gives birth to a baby and afterward the doctor comes into the room and says, ''I have something to tell you about your child...'' The woman slowly sits up with a worried look on her face and says, ''What's wrong with it?'' The doctor says, ''There's nothing really wrong with it, it's just a little different! It's a hermaphrodite.'' The woman looks confused. ''A hermaphrodite, what's that?'' The doctor replies, ''It has both features of a male and a female.'' The woman looks at him and says "whew"... "You mean it has a vagina and a brain?''
When You Assume, You
Make a Jackass Out Of Yourself
A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's face. "What the heck did you do that for!?!" the man screams. "Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore do you?" The man says, "No I don't, you IDIOT...But my wife out in the car still does!"
Images (mostly explicit or offensive)
The AIM Cussingman
AOL
has long been proud of its mascot, the AIM Runningman (pictured in buddy
icons all over the internet). But what's really up with the
runningman? We found out:
Courtesy
of http://www.crazy.nl/
Please note: we realize we have images that are
very offensive to women and we apologize. Screw Magazine
recognizes the importance, dedication, and hard work of women all over
the world. Men are scum. We suck. Can we have sex now?
